Be your own best friend
I don’t know about you, but I am my own harshest critic, and it can make life really hard. As a society and as individuals, we are encouraged to aim for perfection – but all this does is set us up for disappointment and a feeling of failure, even when we’ve done a really good job, because it’s so easy to look back and think – “but I could have done better!”
Do you have a best friend? Someone who you know really well, and who knows you and how you tick? And if you had a problem and went to that friend, could you count on him or her for a sympathetic ear, support and helpful words of advice? How would you feel if that friend said that you could have done better, that you’re being lazy, that you’re fat or that you’re just not good enough? And if this happened again and again and again, how long would you want to keep this person as your ‘best friend’?
Now take a moment to think…when there is something troubling or challenging you, and you’re going over and over it in your mind, what are you saying to yourself? What does your internal self-talk sound like? Are you a good friend to yourself, or are you angry at yourself because you’re in this situation (again!), and do you berate yourself for not being able to sort it out?
It’s easy to indulge in negative self-talk – many of us have spent our whole lives telling ourselves how rubbish we are, how we’ll never get that promotion, how we could make as much money as him, or be as pretty as her. Every time we beat ourselves up, it has the effect of disempowering us – it takes as much time and energy to think these disempowering thoughts as is does to think kind and supportive ones. So start today to build a new relationship with yourself, one rooted in love and kindness, and you will find that your self-confidence will also grow. Here are 3 simple ways to get things going
- Be compassionate to yourself.
Next time you find yourself in self-critical mode – imagine that someone you love has come to you and is feeling hurt or upset, think about how you would treat them. What would you say to them? Would you support them and make them feel loved and cared for? Would you tell them that they matter, that they are important to you, their family and their community? Change your internal talk to something kinder.
As you start to think better of yourself, you will find that your confidence also improves. You’ll feel happier and feel more able to take on life’s daily challenges.
So say something nice to yourself today.
- Take Back Control
Do you spend all your time letting other people make decisions for you? Do people constantly come to you for favours? And do you say yes even though you don’t have time, just because you don’t want to disappoint them? Now I’m not saying you should refuse to do things for others, but only that you ask yourself first – how will this affect me? Will I still have time to do what I want to do? Will this put too much pressure on me? Can I realistically make time for this? And then give yourself permission to say no if you decide that you can’t, or don’t want to, do it. Taking back control over your decision making will help you feel more confident about yourself and you become aware of your own self-worth
- Schedule Time For Yourself.Every day, take some time for yourself, and use it tot do something that makes you feel good. You might take 10 or 20 minutes to read your favourite book or magazine, take a short walk, play a musical instrument, draw, write, meditate, or do anything else that you love to do. Be kind to yourself by giving yourself some “me time” every day. And if you can’t manage every day – try going for a couple of times a week to start with, and build it up as you become aware of how much better it makes you feel.
These are not selfish things. By giving ourselves the time and space to be kind, we will be able to show up in our relationships as stronger and better able to interact with our family and friends.
What will you do to be kind to yourself today?
Change your thinking – Change your life.
I am dedicated to helping you identify your strengths, boost your self-esteem and raise your confidence to new heights. My Confidence Coaching Program is suitable for both business and social situations. So for more information about how you can improve your confidence, contact me here